One day, during my relationship course for couples, I decided to have a little fun with the group. I asked for a show of hands from the women who had had an orgasm every time they have had sex in the past two years.
I proceeded to ask the male partners the very same question, “men, how many of you have had an orgasm every time you have had sex in the past two years.”
Every hand went up.
So I turned to the ladies and asked, “does anyone see a problem with this?”
Trust me on this, I do know a little bit (a very little bit) about the female sexual experience as described to me by some very good teachers (you). I understand that for some women, having an orgasm every single time they have sex is not always necessary. But all variables considered, doesn’t anyone else have a problem with the math?
So I asked the men, “when is the last time you took care of your wife’s needs and didn’t worry about whether or not you were satisfied?”
This may only be my opinion but I find something fundamentally wrong with a sexual experience that has entrenched the belief that one partner always has their way while the other partner is usually left unsatisfied. I said this, just this morning, to a female friend of mine and she responded, “Why do think so many women aren’t that crazy about sex!”
I find it interesting that no one seems to talk about this. In my relationships course, which will be available online in January, we talk about this a great deal. We investigate the fundamental prejudices that have literally torn apart marriages for generations. We ask questions like, “why don’t men ever volunteer to do the dishes?” (there is a profound and reasonable answer to this). We address the complaint that so many women have that their male partner (if it’s a male) is an emotional child and they have a hard time being attracted to him because of this. We talk about the incredible difference between men and women in their communication styles and what I call ‘the cosmic joke’.
So then, why doesn’t a man’s orgasm really matter? I’m not going to let the entire cat out of the bag but I will say that if a man is wholly concerned with satisfying his female partner’s needs, and is relentless in his pursuit of her sexual and emotional happiness, he will never have to worry about his needs again. Gratitude and intimacy always spawns action.
And I do love the word action.
So men, when was the last time you satisfied your partner without getting off?
Guys, here’s your assignment. For one month don’t worry about your needs at all. Concentrate on being that amazing lover you want to believe you already are. Force yourself, at least a few times, to refuse even if you are invited, let’s just say it, to see it through to ejaculation.
Trust me on this, it will be worth it. Your woman will thank