So many of us carry hidden scars.
We have gone to church or spoken with counsellors but for some reason we cannot seem to move beyond. We begin to think these wounds are terminal and we learn to cope and adjust to a life that we cannot seem to change.
It is sad that so many people feel this is the only option. They have tried different types of counselors and many people have paid thousands of dollars and nothing happened.
One possible reason for this, and I have alluded to it before, is that a lot of counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists are really bad at what they do.
Recently Scott Miller, one of the psychology flavors of the month, posted statistics that confirmed that psychological methodologies are not what helps patients. He contends that it doesn’t matter what type of counselling you go to; the only important factor is your relationship with, and the skill of, the counsellor you see. You can stand on your head and spit nickels if you have the right person working with you and it will make a difference.
It is no wonder, then, that people often give up on finding help. They have a resume of failed attempts with incompetent helpers and have come to believe that they are going to have to spend the rest of their life where they are – stuck and hurting.
I am humbled by the courage of many of the people I work with; people who have survived situations I can hardly imagine. They have been forced to live with heinous memories that would dismantle most of us, and in many cases have dealt with their issues and live lives of value and purpose. It is frustrating to me, then, when day after day people recount to me the horrible advice they have received from their pastor or psychologist.
Years ago I was going through a horrible time in my life and I was recommended to a counselor. I had many misgivings about seeing a counsellor as i had been a counsellor myself for many years and knew not all psychologists/counsellors are competent. I saw this person for months and can report, with as much objectivity as I can muster, that this person did far more harm than good. He went as far as to get personally involved with the other person in the situation and with his assistance that person went on to make a series of damaging and permanent decisions. That counselor single-handedly took a bad situation and managed to make it much much worse. I saw firsthand the power for good or evil that is in the hands of those who presume to give advice from a position of authority; and I often think of this when I am counselling someone.
Some counselors suck. Most aren’t as stupid and insipid as the one I saw but many simply do not understand people, or are condescending, or basically incompetent. If you don’t mind a piece of advice let me contend that if you have been seeing a counselor for more than six months and haven’t seen any significant change you should fire that counsellor.
Tomorrow: Dating Advice
Coming This Week: Why You Should Never Date The Bad Boy