Someday’s Coming

Someday.

I remember a moment captured in time. I was making breakfast at my restaurant, The Bad Dog Grill, and I realized I hated my life. It was 7:30 am and I wanted a beer. If I cut my hand one more time, maybe I can go home today. I just knew I would never get out of that kitchen. Then one day I was.

I have spoken with people in prison, or doing time in a bad relationship, who have been convinced I was wrong. This hell is never going to end. I will never meet someone who loves me. I will never want to live again. I can never move on from this. Then you do, though rarely like on television. We sincerely need to have a conversation some time about what recovery really looks like. God never sent me a thunderbolt and one day I didn’t wake up fixed. It’s gradual and tedious and most of us have no flipping clue what “better” really should look like.

Many of us grow up believing that we are supposed to move beyond, not just move on. Somehow we are supposed to forgive that monster or forget about that loss or magically get normal. Those are wonderful motivational posters but in the real world we usually become scarred by life and I’m not just talking about table saws and missing fingers. Life beats the hell out of many of us and it is going to take a religious event or a Canadian Tire pool full of good tequila for things to feel spanky. It is tempting to pine for the innocence or the waistline or the eyebrows of our youth but, and I hate being the one to tell people this, that ship has sailed, been attacked by Somali pirates and sunk by the North Korean military. You are never going to be who you once were and when you think about it, that may be a very good thing. I know you used to be able to run for miles and jump over fences and turn everyone’s eye but chances are you were way way dumber. Do you really want to be 18 and perky again? Willing to give up all that experience and drink the Koolaid?

When I was younger I was convinced I knew the score, and I was an idiot. Sorry to get all technical on you there. I could not give up what I know now for who I was then. That is difficult to write but it rings true for me.

Someday. Someday things will be different than they are today. Before the steam engine you could be attacked by the Huns in one millenia than the Mongols in another and the tactics would be similar because both armies used horses and bows and arrows. The world was defined for centuries by a single warrior, usually on a mount. The players may have changed but the world hadn’t. Time barely moved. The vast majority of the planet never travelled beyond their district. There was no Wifi. When the Mongols used gunpowder against the Hungarians no one even understood what that sound was, and why is there a hole in me? Generations passed with little noticeable difference.

This is not that time. I cannot promise you much, but it does appear self-evident that this culture is addicted to unstoppable momentum. A woman in a bad marriage is far more apt to leave than she was four hundred years ago. Heck, forty years ago.

It may not get good but it probably won’t stay the same. Fewer of us are willing to put up with monotonous misery anymore. There is no possible way soldiers would sit in trenches today, like they did in World War One, unless there was an Xbox and free Facebook. Two months of sitting in water and rats and dysentery and I don’t know about you but I’d probably go over the hill and let them shoot me, just out of boredom and from the constant itching. I hate itching. It may be possible that we are not the strongest generation that ever lived. Those old 90-year-olds killed people and it still would not serve to piss too many of them off, especially on a cruise when they race their walkers and gave me the evil eye. My grandfather left his family for over four years to drive a gas truck to the Front. Did he even have air conditioning? The times, they are a’changing.

Someday’s coming, for all of us. To quote Mr. Smith, “that is the sound of inevitability”. Your depression may not be terminal and that kid may talk to you again, someday. Someday you will know things that you don’t right now and your situation will change just enough that you will look at life differently. What often looks like “things finally going your way” may have at least something to do with how much you change, and that is the best news I can tell you. Sure you are going through hell, but if you are keeping your head just above the waves you are undoubtedly learning important lessons that you would never understand without going through this Armageddon. You are reading a blog by a therapist, so you are probably wise enough to know you aren’t wise enough yet to handle the whole enchilada. Me too. I desperately hope I am not a finished product.

Overcoming your stuff has more to do with just getting in the ring, than it has to do with winning every round. I can’t tell you how many times I fail at almost everything, and my job is to keep getting up in the morning and giving a damn. That’s me, it may not be you. For people with ADHD just keeping your act together is often hard enough without all the gushy little rewards. The empaths suffer so very much, just being alive. Being the strong one sucks. The person who carries the weight of the world is often crushed. Most of us would self-medicate if we could get away with it, Scot(t)-free. We haven’t even discussed one of my favorite themes – the real world is often boring and relentless and stressful. Stir in a few mental health issues, and a loss or two, and you may be tempted to just give up.

Don’t do it. Someday’s coming. It may be years or it could be today (probably not) but change happens whether we like it or not. This is the one constant in the Twenty-first Century. If you are awake you may have noticed the global village is experiencing the most profound cultural revolution since the Enlightenment. The internet, combined with catastrophic cultural changes, has transformed the world forever. There is no way to put the rabbit back in the hat.

I am not going to launch into a diatribe on how we are all headed to hell in a handbasket. There is plenty of time for that. Lately I’ve wondered if there is not a pot of gold in this electronic GMO rainbow. I can remember, even in my lifetime, when you had to go to a library if you wanted to read about anything. The world was slower and if you are depressed or dealing with impossible situations, slow never feels good.

Hold on. Someday’s still coming. I just wish, sometimes, it would hurry the hell up.

All kids need is a little help, a little hope and someone who believes in them.  
Magic Johnson

10 thoughts on “Someday’s Coming

  1. Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:
    I sound like a broken record saying “Scott Really Nailed it in this post” but he did damnit!! One of his best I think and one that many of you can use right now because you are moarning the loss of your innocence. It’s ok to moarn (am I spelling that right? my spell check says no but the other way is like “day break” and I am meaning like funeral, the death of a dream, a future you were counting on). I wish I could have told myself where I was going to be in 5 years when I wanted to die and when I didn’t think I could make it a day without talking to “him”. But had I known what those 5 years were going to hold I probably would have chickened out. I look back on my life now and wouldn’t change a thing. nothing, because it brought me here and made me who I am; a work in progress. As are you!

  2. I am slogging through a pit of muck that I can’t see my way out of. I keep going to therapy and doing what i need to do and hoping and praying something changes before i really lose my mind. I’ve read a lot of articles about depression and anxiety and finding your way out, yet I keep coming here to read your stuff because it’s REAL. You don’t promise anything will happen fast, and I trust that. It gives me hope.

    1. Ya, i hated always thinking, this has to be it! Only to wake up to another shitty day. I have no platitudes to give anymore, just know you’re not alone. Worst time of my life, that time.

    2. I love this Scott, thanks.
      Marie, I’ve also been making changes slowly but surely these past few months. By making tiny goals that i’m initially ashamed of (ie: I should do better than that) I’m seeing a difference in my fitness and a few other areas of my life.
      It’s been less inspired energy and grand plans, but a more relaxed experience.
      Is that something like what you mean Marie?

      1. Thank you, Scott and Karletta, for your kind responses.

        I think it’s great that you’ve been able to make some small changes, Karletta.

        When I say that I’m slogging through a pit, I’m referring to this anxiety thing I’m going through right now. Panic attacks that make me not want to leave the house. Relentless anxiety.

        So, for me, just getting out of bed and facing another day and being willing to go to therapy and be honest about where I’m at…that’s a big part of it for me. I feel like I should be more okay than I am, so it’s hard to admit how screwed up everything is.

        I drink, which makes it all worse, and it’s hard to be honest about that, too.

  3. Clever twist on Campolo. 😉

    I remember that day at the Bad Dog well. Crazy how the things we think we love, sometimes end up destroying us. I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from that one, after throwing so much heart and hope and money in. And yet here, five years after the fact, I don’t think I’d go back, given the chance. I’d rather be an art historian now.

    Loss is blinding, whichever form it comes in. The only fix seems to be time, support and putting one foot in front of the other. We can learn a lot along the way, but the journey to someday probably won’t ever make TripAdvisor’s top ten list. Eventually we find ourselves somewhere else, by chance or by choice. Hopefully choice.

    Another great post. Thanks.

  4. 🙂 my someday wasn’t as painful oras life altering as I thought
    the next day was even better….
    your post is the words for” maybe I’m not the only one ” for many I suspect
    Thank you for sharing
    Take Care…You Matter…
    )0(
    maryrose

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