Tips for Talking To Men And Attracting Them Like Crazy

English: Romance icon

from here: Most women dream of the day they will attract the man of their dreams. Many describe a man who is “tall, dark, handsome, (preferably) rich, sensitive, loves kids, has an advanced degree and loves his mom.” I’ve described this same man, listened to my friends describe men of similar ilk and pondered, plotted and schemed about how to meet this mystery man. Here, after watching (and experiencing) numerous disappointments on the dating scene, are my top tips for attracting the man of your dreams…” 

Kind of makes you want to puke, doesn’t it?

I hate these things. As a clinical counselor I spend months with patients helping them to become more self-aware, more authentic, and more secure in their own beauty and individuality. But forget all that. Just be a bimbo and say the right words and men will love you forever. Be mysterious, be aloof, laugh at our jokes, compliment us, you will drive us crazy.

That’s it, lie.

After all, dating is a big con anyway.

Recently I was speaking with a client about dating sites on the web she admitted that she felt insecure because she had chronic pain and all the guys out there were into zip-lining and rock climbing, white water canoeing and hang gliding. She felt that she wouldn’t measure up to such rugged men. I turned to her and said, “I’ll let you in on a little secret – they are lying.” It’s true, we lie to impress you. I can tell in a few minutes the kind of guy you are interested in and become that person – you want a guy who is a good listener? I’m all about you. I’ll talk to you for hours, laugh at your jokes, even shed a tear at your story about your puppy or uncle Bart. This is because of one simple reason, I’M TRYING TO PICK YOU UP. It’s a game.

We put our best foot forward in order to snare a mate. Is that honest? Is that actually a good strategy? It really doesn’t matter, he lying to you as well. You are coming to intimately know a person who doesn’t actually exist. Throw in a few tricks and traps from the internet and you are good to go. Years later, when you realize this person doesn’t really understand you, you can rest confidently in the knowledge that you “got him/her” under false pretenses anyway.

I don’t mean to sound condescending (just a wee sarcastic perhaps) but I have come to realize that so much of what passes for romantic communication is dysfunctional and actually harmful. I was a single parent for years and realized early that I could not engage in a mating ritual that was designed to encourage short-term, shallow, and dishonest relationships. This is further compounded by the propensity for new couples to immediately move in together before they truly know and appreciate the other person for who they really are. No one talks about this but couples who move in together early are WAY more likely to split up. This makes perfect sense when you think about it. A couple begins a full-time with another person they do not really know. They have been conning each other since they met and now they are about to meet the real person – that farting, burping, smelly, angry, stressed, emotional or emotionally repressed real you. You simply have not had the time to develop your relationship to any mature level. Love at first sight is a wonderful Disneyland dream but it is really a cognitive distortion on the highest level. Real love takes time and knowledge. Infatuation is instant.

I can just hear someone blurt out, “But if you love someone you will make it work”. This is again a very hopeful, though absolutely naive sentiment. Lasting relationships are not based on romance, a feeling which every divorce lawyer in the country can tell you will come and go. Relationships that work are based on commitment, loyalty, perseverance, selflessness and a ridiculous amount of humility. You hear these words about what real love looks like at every wedding for a reason:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

You won’t find those words on any dating site because they are not sexy, only the truth.

If you really want a tip for attracting men like crazy than here it is – Be who you are and learn to be happy without a romantic relationship. It took me years to do but learning to love yourself and be happy in spite of your situation, not because of it, is the best advice I can ever give you. No dude can fill that hole in your heart, we’re selfish and childish pigs. Never date until you don’t need to. Think about that for a minute.

No woman can fill that hole either.

No one else should.

18 thoughts on “Tips for Talking To Men And Attracting Them Like Crazy

  1. Reblogged this on entropy: the other constant and commented:
    This:

    Love never gives up.
    Love cares more for others than for self.
    Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
    Love doesn’t strut,
    Doesn’t have a swelled head,
    Doesn’t force itself on others,
    Isn’t always “me first,”
    Doesn’t fly off the handle,
    Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
    Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
    Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
    Puts up with anything,
    Trusts always,
    Always looks for the best,
    Never looks back,
    But keeps going to the end.

  2. Truer words have never been written. Scott, you should take out a billboard with this info on it. I spent my entire life “filling my holes” with one man after another….all ending disastrously. At midlife, I have now been purposely single for 18 months. Yeah, it sucks sometimes but I remind myself every day that if being half of a couple means relinquishing or hiding who “i am” , then it is better to be alone and single. I know now that when the time comes I no longer have a huge whole to fill, I will attract a true partner into my life…..not just a band aid patch for my whole. Great post. Think about that billboard 🙂

  3. GREAT article! What you said is totally true. It’s nice to hear from somebody who feels the same way about dating and commitment as I do. This is why I don’t date anymore. I’ve decided getting to know guys as friends is the only way to get to know them. I wish more people understood that, too, that entering into a relationship isn’t going to instantly solve your problems, you need to love yourself first.

  4. Great title and post. My husband is a great provider and I used to look to him to provide everything. He couldn’t provide all my needs (emotional, physical, social, educational, mental). I basically was treating him like God, which was unfair to him. Since the pressure is off, we both enjoy life a lot better. 🙂

  5. Once again, I love this post! I’m not a fan of the “dating game” because I don’t play games. My friends say that’s why I’m not “successful” when it comes to dating. But, I’ve always believed in just being me. I’m open, honest, and intelligent but I also have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth and can be a bit of a chatter box. I’ve always believed in just being myself. It’s too exhausting to maintain a facade. I’d rather be single than be with someone who doesn’t love me for me…that’s not love.

  6. Almost 4 years out from my last marriage, and at this moment, I believe that I do mean last. 😉 I met him on a dating site, husband #2. I am so happy now single. People keep nudging me to want to date again. I just cannot come up with a single reason why I would want another man. I am sure that means something. 😉

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