Why Some People Hate Sex: the Fascinating Psychology Behind Sexual Revulsion

The birds and the bees and the dragonflys and ...

Great article for your perusal here.

What fascinated me about the article wasn’t the argument that some persons, in this article particularly women, are put off by sex. What is very interesting is the universal themes that apply to so many couples, regardless of gender. Here are a few thought-provoking quotes:

“I know we don’t have sex as much as Mark likes,” she says, with an edge in her voice, “but for me to want to make love, I have to feel emotionally connected to him and, to be honest, most of the time, I just don’t. He seems so obsessed about this issue. I constantly feel pressure to satisfy him. It’s like raw sex is the only thing he wants from me. It’s gotten to the point where any time he touches me I freeze up–I’m afraid to respond even affectionately because if I do, he thinks it’s an invitation to sex.”

“After some time goes by when we haven’t had sex, Mark gets more and more sulky, and I begin to feel I’m like a bad, unloving wife. So I hug him or pat his shoulder or maybe just smile at him or something and, oh boy! That’s all it takes–he’s off to the races. I feel I can’t say no again, and so we’ll get in bed and start kissing. I try to be as warm as I can get myself to be; I don’t want to just lie there like a dead fish. And, usually, at a certain point, I can work myself up so that I’m into it, sort of. Afterwards, I feel relieved because I know he feels happier and not so angry at me and, also, he’ll back off and I won’t have to do it for a while.”

Many heterosexual men, especially, have little or no idea how intrusive sex can be. In my relationship groups I tell these individuals to imagine what it must be like to take a large foreign object inside your body, simply to get someone to stop whining. I find the whole idea of “giving it up” only to appease guilt or anger utterly fascinating… and disturbing.

 

 

5 thoughts on “Why Some People Hate Sex: the Fascinating Psychology Behind Sexual Revulsion

  1. It’s articles like this that have me ever so grateful to be single. I spent years ‘giving it up’ to pathological men and feeling like an object, rather than a human being. It wasn’t about my satisfaction when I was ‘into it’, it was about them.

    So so so happy to be single!

  2. Every woman in a long term relationship I know, has ‘given it up to manage whining or guilt’. Throw a little religion in, and double the entitlement on the guy’s side and feelings of obligation/resentment on the woman’s. Nasty… The only answer I know is wine. 😉

    1. I have so been there done that… your comment was right on the mark… add the religion and and the self loathing becomes a horrible burden while the fires of rage and resentment burn strong…
      sadly wine did not help at all… just fed it… single seems to be working well 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s