Spitting At My Wife

English: A sign forbidding spitting in Shijiaz...A couple is in the shower and he is brushing his teeth. Lately showering together has become routine and he is feeling playful. On a whim he spits his toothpaste onto his wife’s back. Playful. Fun. Spontaneous. Funny though admittedly gross.

Not so much.

Most guys would find that hilarious. We have a deep and intrinsic understanding of gross stuff you can do to your friends without needing bail money. Farting is hilarious. So are wedgies. Flinging poo – no I haven’t done that but it’s not funny! Seriously.

Ha ha… poo.

What could be more funny than getting your best girl with fresh tooth spit? Hilarious. So why isn’t she laughing? Granted, at the right time and place I know lots of women who can be much grosser than this. Hilarious. In this particular case, however, she was looking for a little intimacy, a little steamy assistance. Shocking as it may seem, some women don’t get off on being spit at. I know, I’m only talking hypothetically, but apparently it’s true. Even your innocent peeing down the drain doesn’t seem to amuse her.  Go figure. Girls are weird.

No one told me that I would have to spend the rest of my life trying to understand my partner. I earnestly had no idea that I would be donating so much of my time learning to interpret someone else’s words, emotions, body language, and intentions. I do this for a living and I am only now beginning to understand even the most obvious aspects of a female’s psyche. Relationships are ridiculously tough and anyone who is not growing in their understanding of their partner is doomed, in my estimation.

Negotiating a good relationship is damn near impossible some days. Moving forward when you are angry or feel misunderstood, and live with someone who is not willing to be humble enough to learn, well that’s another thing altogether. Throw in passive-aggressive personalities, emotional immaturity, money problems, neediness, addictions, chronic pain, mental health issues, family problems, entitlement, insecurity, past trauma or sexual abuse, unresolved conflict, lack of sleep, misunderstanding, or someone who is angry or emotionally unavailable, and you have a recipe for conflict, confusion, and potential misunderstanding. Compound this over several years and it is no wonder, then, that couples grow bitter, interpret every issue as confrontation, or build their own little damaged worlds.

Relationships are hard. Many are worth it. Do the work. Reap the rewards.

7 thoughts on “Spitting At My Wife

  1. Loved this post, and I especially loved this line, “No one told me that I would have to spend the rest of my life trying to understand my partner. I earnestly had no idea that I would be donating so much of my time learning to interpret someone else’s words, emotions, body language, and intentions.” So, so true.

    After 20 years of marriage, I have to say we’re finally really getting to the good stuff of understanding. Well, I should say my husband is finally getting to the good stuff of understanding me. His good stuff was always obvious and strikingly clear.

    I think guys get a bad wrap about not understanding women. And I think the real issue is we often don’t understand ourselves, and we don’t realize it until our husbands start showing signs of not understanding us. We are fickle, ever changing, and what works with us one day will not work on another because we have a complicated system of how things fit together, and if you don’t get the combination in the right, the whole deal is off. Everything is connected to everything inside a woman.

    My hat is off to you men. I don’t think I’d have the patience to be one, especially a married one.

    🙂

  2. Maybe she just needed some clearer instructions. “Listen, honey, in a second, I am going to spit toothpaste at you. You are supposed to retaliate in some way. You know, spit on me, or splash water in my eyes or squirt shampoo all over me. It’ll be fun. You’ll see…”

    For guys, toothpaste spitting is totally hilarious. For women, whose bodies have so often been violated in other ways, it’s degrading.

    Totally weird.

  3. wow. I think I can add this part of what you wrote to my “about you” section…
    “Moving forward when you are angry or feel misunderstood and live with someone who is not willing to be humble enough to learn, well that’s another thing altogether. Throw in passive-aggressive personalities, emotional immaturity, money problems, neediness, addictions, chronic pain, mental health issues, family problems, entitlement, insecurity, past trauma or sexual abuse, unresolved conflict, lack of sleep, misunderstanding, or someone who is angry or emotionally unavailable, and you have a recipe for conflict, confusion, and potential misunderstanding. Compound this over several years and it is no wonder, then, that couples grow bitter, interpret every issue as confrontation, or build their own little damaged worlds.”

  4. Great stuff. We all struggle with interpreting the thoughts of the other sex and will have to continue to do the work like you say above. That is, until one of us becomes a mind reader…..which according to my ex mother in law should happen within the year. Who knew?
    Keep on going.

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