Why Men Lie To You

Women ask me, why do men lie so often? The answer may surprise you.

In a man’s world, lying to get out of domestic chores, calm down a lover, or get an extra slice of pizza is not necessarily a real lie. Depending on the situation and potential emotional fallout, sometimes we justify these slips and think of them more like a ‘lie’ish’.

“After all, sweetheart, I didn’t realize it would hurt you so much.”
“I wasn’t exactly sure what you meant when you asked me to make supper.”
“The instructions you gave me were unclear so I thought I should wait until you got home to do it right.”
“As your mother constantly reminds me, I am after all, incompetent anyway and it is probably best that you do it yourself.”
“I didn’t think you would take it so badly.”
“Honestly.”

In a man’s world, wives and girlfriends usually become the “loyal opposition”. You need to be placated. You have more demands of us than we do of ourselves. When you ask us to do things it sometimes sounds suspiciously like our mommy. Woman may not understand, as I point out all the time on this blog, that men are generally more emotionally lazy than women are. Much, much, more. We also think differently than women do. We put things in boxes (yes, I know that’s a worn cliché but work with me here), I know I do. Our innermost desire is to deal with your problem as quickly as possible, put it in a box, and watch sports.

I realize how that sounds but women seem to have so many issues they want to discuss and the quicker we can classify, deal with, or avoid having to think about, the better. The quicker I can shut the box the less emotion I have to invest; and you know how we guys are with emotional availability.

So why don’t I just pick up the laundry like I said I would instead of fudging a lie to get you off my back? The reason may have something to do with the fact that picking up the laundry was not my idea, and therefore I do not really care about the laundry. After all, I only change my underwear when you notice. Besides I rarely ask you for anything (you anticipate my needs). I will pick up the laundry… later (for the uninitiated ‘later’ is our way of placating you now while never really intending on getting the laundry unless it somehow lands in my car while at the drive-through at Wendys). Telling you I plan on doing it at another time also stops the emotional outburst, which as every guy knows is the reason for all excuses. If I tell you the truth we have to talk about it and talking involves emotions, usually yours. It is far easier to get back to you later (and mistakenly hope you’ll forget, because we will).

Now, I cannot end this article without flinging mud in the other direction, if ever so briefly. Women are by no means blameless. Case in point, how are you today? Fine? In a man’s world that is a bold-faced lie unless you mean it. Why do you think we are so surprised when later we find out you were upset? You told us you were fine! In my world, if I am going to lie, it is going to be subtle. Answering a question by saying ‘fine’ immediately leads me to believe you are, in fact, just fine. I do not understand that your body language, the expression on your face, the way you are standing, the fact that you are yelling out the word; and the growing realization that you may be praying for my death, should be clear enough indicators that you are not fine… but I’m a guy.

10 thoughts on “Why Men Lie To You

  1. So we have all bought into the media depiction of men, eh? If we are unwilling to accept how women are portrayed, why are we so willing to accept how men are? So, this post simply reconfirms that men truly are like the characters they are cast as in mainstream comedy…. Interesting. I refuse to believe men are so shallow and manipulative. Then again, maybe that means I haven’t lived with enough men – in which case I am going to go sit in the corner depressed about how much farther we have to go in heterosexual relationships. Remind me never to move in with one of these thick headed assholes.

  2. I agree with you….I know a man who is able to articulate that dealing with emotions causes him to become exhausted and he just can’t do it for long. He puts up a wall and shuts down. Even in his kindness it is all he can do to tell the truth and it causes stress to be honest about his “feelings”.

    I had to back away and let him regroup or he would have just disappeared and that is no LIE.

  3. Come on, seriously?
    ” Answering a question by saying ‘fine’ immediately leads me to believe you are, in fact, just fine. I do not understand that your body language, the expression on your face, the way you are standing, the fact that you are yelling out the word; and the growing realization that you may be praying for my death, should be clear enough indicators that you are not fine… but I’m a guy.”
    I think you just proved right here that MOST men DO understand when a woman is not fine… They are just employing (again) the “lie-ish” by saying they took the woman at face value and accepted her answer as she was really fine, although all signs pointed to her NOT being fine. Yeah, it’s kind of the same, so what? The woman participates in your “lie-ish” too when she does it. In this case, both are lying to each other. Neither are right… both need to stop playing games and communicate.
    This seems like your are excusing men’s “lies” and sadly making men sound like uncaring, emotionally vacant animals. Plus, what’s the deal with the whole, ” picking up the laundry was not my idea, and therefore I do not really care about the laundry” bit? Do you think women enjoy being responsible for cooking, cleaning, laundry, wiping noses, taking care of the dog, etc. etc. etc.? Why must men be so lazy and dependent on the woman? They don’t want a “mommy,” and they don’t want their wife to sound like their mom, but they have no problem treating her like one. Go figure.

    1. got to be honest, since I can remember everytime I hear that word I hear – lie.Just did an informal query of the 7 male staff here. Apparently I am not alone in this…. 7/0.
      Surely wasn’t the intention of this article to “excuse” men’s lying. Maybe I communicated this incorrectly. I thought the whole purpose of the article was to expose, not condone.

      1. Perhaps I misunderstood. So of the 7 males you polled at work, they all agreed that this was not condoning, but exposing? Interesting.

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